I'm at a very odd point in my life...
Very recently was a one year anniversary of being comfortable with my friends and friendship in general. It only took 4 years, but hey I try :P Something very important I finally came to realize is that your REAL friends...you just know are your real friends. I have 3 close friends I can name...just 3. That's all I need. (Those who are offended, please note that I have a vast array of good friends, and you're probably in it if you're reading this :P). These friends are people I've probably alienated in the past...but kept coming back to me because they cared.
Here's the dilemma...coming away from a depressive state has it's drawbacks. Though I no longer get depressed, I can "crash". A crash is a sudden and fast (about a week or so, sometimes only one night) change in mood from happy to depressed. It's unhealthy and dangerous. A crash can be triggered easily by a thought of a depressing thing, or moment, or someone saying something that my mind isn't trained to interpret as innocuous (including "we're not friends anymore"), etc., etc. Unforutnately, a recent string of events have lead me to crash
for the past week. I've already accused a few people of not being my friend, and have already tried to reaffirm my friendship with multiple people.
This is bad...
So, how do we fix this? Well, first off I need to teach myself a lesson. As much as it hurts me to sit back and do nothing, it's just what I have to do. There are some of you that already know who triggers my crashes and possibly who triggered this one. For those that don't it doesn't matter, as my life will be free of this person in about a month.
I think it is very important to note that it will be an actual turning point in my life, and you will see a marked change in my personality on the fabled day. Bring beer...
Anyway, I guess that's all for now.
Peace,
Chris
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2 comments:
I don't concern myself with "who is not my friend" and "who secretly hates me", because it's a depressing game that I've already learned to avoid. It's inevitable that some people will dislike me and talk behind my back, but still treat me nicely. Most people do this, and I'm sure you've found yourself doing the same thing to other people occasionally.
However, it's eventually clear that there are a few people who actually care about you. So, it's not bad at all, since you know that you can be truthful and yourself with these few people, while you'll need to be on guard with other people. By "on guard", I mean not trusting the uncertain friends with information that may be used as gossip between them and their circle of friends.
While there are a few people who are skilled in pretending to care, it's evident who your real friends are when you figure out how they prioritize you in their schedule. There is no definite test to see how they prioritize you, but after awhile, you can figure it out.
So, anyway, it's definitely not worth sulking over when you're uncertain of a friendship. You can't force someone to like you more, and you can't be depressed when you realize that you are not an important friend to that person. Sometimes, you have to ask yourself, "How can I tell if this person is my friend?" Most of the time, there is no definite answer, and it can get you frustrated enough to ask them outright. This is not good for both parties, since it might seem like a random attack to the person you're questioning. It's a very loaded question, and it can have a lot of repercussions for the person being asked. So, it's best to go with the flow, since the answer will come over time.
In addition, remember that these depression spurts happen to everyone. The best cure for me is to take a deep breath, stop thinking about things, and isolate what is causing it. Then, I think about it from an impersonal perspective, and I realize that it's a trivial spurt in an otherwise great life. I can't say that any of this will help you, or even be applicable to your predicament. I'm also not saying that my advice is even good. This is only my experience thus far, and I hope you can get back to the regular awesome person you are.
Oh, and, beer doesn't solve problems. It only delays them. Yes, this is a lame statement, and it's been said many times before, but it's true. Not that I'm trying to kill the party... it's just that some people lose track of this fact. :P
Haha. You're absolutely right. You definitely have a lot to learn about me, but you're still right in principle ;)
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